My Creepy Old Neighbor Is At It Again

Today is my birthday, just in case you forgot since last night’s post. Today I also  took my State Tested Nurses Aide exam, and I swear it was one of these easiest tests ever. I can’t believe that were people taking it with me who had failed it twice already, then again not everyone is a genius like I am. Anyway, I came home after my test and saw that the mail man had arrived and my neighbor whom I have nicknamed “Creepy Old Guy” was standing behind him.

For you new readers, here is a little background information on Creepy Old Guy, he always wears scrubs although he does not appear to have a job working as a medical worker. He stands around the entrance to the apartment complex waiting for the mail for hours every day. I have seen him outside as early as 7 AM, the mail usually doesn’t arrive until about 2 PM most days.  He will be standing around the same spot and sometimes I pass him multiple times and he always says “mail’s not here yet”.

I got home at 1:30 this afternoon and he was standing directly behind the mailman, I can only guess how many hours he had been waiting in anticipation for the mail to show up. I could tell that Creepy Old Guy was really happy to see the mailman today because he had a visible erection, and let me tell you scrub pants are made out of some thin material so it was a very visible erection. I don’t think the mailman realized it either, even though he was just inches away from bumping into it while loading up the mail box. He almost got delivered a package of his own while delivering packages, if you know what I mean. (Yes, I just made that joke. And yes, I realize how horrible it was).

I have another creepy neighbor as well, and he is a raccoon, I nicknamed him Mr. Rabies. He lives in the dumpster, I have written about him before. I thought that he got picked up by the garbage truck and dumped in a landfill, I obviously was wrong. Mr. Rabies appears to know the garbage truck’s schedule and manages to get the lid on the dumpster open and escape before the trash is taken away every week, then he sneaks back into it afterwards just to creep me the fuck out. I have seen him on three separate occasions, weeks apart from each other. The first time I felt kind of sorry for Mr. Rabies since I thought he was trapped in there and thought that I should let him out, but I didn’t because as his name implies he may or may not have rabies. But now I have come to the realization that he calls the dumpster his home and raccoons  are a lot smarter than I thought they were, so we probably shouldn’t be eating them.

4 comments on “My Creepy Old Neighbor Is At It Again

  1. Mr. Rabies and his brethren are MEAN. Several years ago Mr. Mike and I were awakened by a terrible racket in the back yard (about 3AM). It was two male coons fighting to the death, literally. The next morning scrounge cats one and two checked out the carcass – it made their fur stand on end.

  2. This is fantastic. It reminds me of the time my friend and I found a possum (an opossum?) in my garbage can. Fortunately for everyone involved, my friend worked for a vet clinic and was therefore vaccinated against rabies, so the possum was freed. No erections were involved.

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