The Nerds Guide To Turning On A Girl

So, last night I got onto pinterest and was messing around on it for awhile, I now have more pins than my wife does. DO NOT SAY ANYTHING!!

Anyway, today I am going for a manlier topic: How to turn on a girl, since I am a nerd I have very little insight into how to actually turn on a girl and am totally unqualified to teach anyone on the subject. Still interested in reading? Great! (dumbass)

1. You need skills:

What kind of skills? It doesn’t really matter, as long as it has nothing to do with knitting, My Little Pony, or crossdressing.

Types of skills that are acceptable…

Crossbows

This is the best life lesson I have learned from watching The Walking Dead. I really need to get a crossbow

 

How to put stuff together. Girls cannot put things together, you ever notice that when your wife/girlfriend/imaginary girlfriend buys some stuff at Ikea, they leave it for you to put together. That’s because they have no clue how to put that shit together, and neither do I, have you ever seen those instructions? Anyway if you can put things together using manly things like power tools you probably don’t need to be reading this anyway.

Chicks really dig wizards too, but only real ones.

 

2. You need to have money.

Girls like it when you buy them things. They like to get presents and when you take them out places. NEVER take them to McDonald’s or Chuck E Cheese (unless they have kids). You need to take them nice places like Pizza Hut or KFC, plus they like presents that clearly weren’t just laying around your apartment.

"Hey, girl I just saw all of these random action figures out of their original packaging laying around and a Garfield pencil box and totally thought of you". No! Fail! You are not getting laid!

3. You need to find the clitoris. I have no idea where it is, don’t ask me.

Moving on...

4. You need to dress nicely. And by nicely, I mean you should probably wear pants when she’s around. Girls like it when you are fully dressed at appropriate times. It is also good if your clothes don’t have stains or holes in them and were at least fashionable after 1999. If you work out a lot you don’t need to wear a shirt, otherwise, don’t take your shirt off ever, and I mean EVER!!

It's OK not to wear pants if she isn't wearing any. I just found this picture while google image searching and wanted to put it somewhere. I kind of lost sight of what I was looking for, I think it had something to do with not wearing superhero clothes on the first date.

5. You are seriously still reading this? OK then..

Don’t talk about video games, unless she really likes video games. Nobody cares if you are a level 85 Paladin Undead Ogre in World of Warcraft, especially if your penis is the size of a pinky toenail and you have a unibrow.

Better stock up on tissues and lotion,bro. You are beyond my help.

 

Oh yeah, you probably shouldn’t use pinterest either, and definitely don’t talk about it or share it with facebook.

5 comments on “The Nerds Guide To Turning On A Girl

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