12 Awful Clocks That Make No Sense


I hate alarm clocks, they are the devil. I hate the morning until I have some kind of caffeinated beverage to wake me up.  If you hate the dreaded sound of the alarm clock waking you up from a peaceful night’s sleep, then you will definitely hate having to look at these hideous clocks as they wake you up in the morning.

1. Vietnam Wall Clock

It’s a clock shaped like Vietnam, 100% guaranteed to give your grandpa flashbacks to the 1960’s of his platoon getting their legs blown off in the jungle. Fun times for all!

2. Grenade Alarm Clock

This alarm clock definitely needs to be paired with the above Vietnam wall clock. It is shaped like a grenade, you have to pull the pin out of it and throw it across the room to make the alarm go off. That seems like a lot of work to go through in the morning. But be prepared to laugh hysterically when you surprise your war veteran relatives with PTSD by throwing a this puppy in their bed at 4 in the morning. Be amused by their feeble attempts to obliterate their imaginary enemies with your fake grenade then watch them cry themselves back to sleep. Fun for the whole family!

3. Stripper Alarm Clock

Like tacky alarm clocks? Are you sexually attracted to tiny plastic women wearing lingerie that awkwardly spin around in circles on a pole? Then this clock is for you! She doesn’t even take her clothes off, her bra and panties aren’t even removable, I researched it. Total ripoff.

You're better off spending the $20 on a real stripper. At least then you are surrounded by other men that reek of loneliness and desperation...and real titties.

4. Bacon Cooking Alarm Clock

This one is actually pretty awesome, it’s an alarm clock that cooks bacon and has it ready for you to eat when the alarm goes off. Too bad it’s a total fire hazard. You know what the best remedy is for 3rd degree burns? Delicious bacon.

My cat would totally have that thing eaten before I even rolled over to shut the alarm off.

5. Carpet Alarm Clock

You have to get out of bed and stand on it to shut the alarm off. Too bad I lack the coordination in the morning to step on it. I also lack an actual bed, it’s pretty hard to get up and stand on something when you sleep on a mattress that’s laying on the bare floor. Fuck that.

Also, it totally doesn't match my decor.

6. Dumbell Alarm Clock

You have to exercise to shut the alarm clock first thing in the morning? Oh hell no.

7. Glowing Pillow Alarm Clock

That just looks annoying as hell. Plus I drool in my sleep too much to have anything electronic that plugs into an electrical outlet anywhere near my mouth at night.

8. Laser Target Alarm Clock

Seems like a good idea until you lose the gun or the batteries run out, then this thing is getting chucked out the window.

A real gun would work so much better.

9. Flying Alarm Clock

When the alarm goes off, the top of the alarm flies off of the base and takes off across the room. You then have to re-attach it in order to shut off the alarm. My cat would totally take off with the top of it and hide it underneath the couch. Another situation where a real gun would come in handy.

10. Pizza Wall Clock

This would be cool if it didn’t look like the most disgusting dollar store microwavable pizza imaginable.

Looks almost good enough for a homeless drug addict to eat out of a dumpster, almost.

11. Brady Bunch Wall Clock

Are  you a fan of the Brady Bunch? Are you a big enough fan of the Brady Bunch to buy a clock that has the most awkward looking photos of the  Brady kids randomly placed around the face of it? If so, I hope we never meet.

It's ironic because they are all old, out of work, and most of them probably have drug problems. Far out!

12. Awkward Nativity Scene Wall Clock

My favorite part is Michael Jackson on the far right peering into baby Jesus's crib like a pedophile.

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