The Lord of the Anal Rings

Saturday, I discovered what a sad state our country is in. I went to downtown Kent for their annual drunken downtown Halloween festival wearing my Dildo Baggins costume, and nobody was able to correctly guess who I was supposed to be! You can judge by the picture below how accurate my Hobbit costume was.

I had a pair of giant hairy feet, a 15 inch long pipe, brown cape and dress shirt with a vest over top, and nobody even guessed that I was Dildo Baggins, Bilbo Baggins, Frodo, or even a Hobbit!


I also had a flashing penis clipped on my shirt for added effect, a couple people pointed at my feet or yelled out “that dude’s carrying dildos!”. One guy actually came up to me and felt up one of my dildos, it was even more awkward than it sounds. The closest I got was a guy that ran up to me and said “Lord of the Anal Rings?” to which I replied “No, Dildo Baggins”. He said that was awesome. I had to explain it to a few people, but none of them really got it. I thought Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit were more popular than that, maybe I should have waited until next year when the Hobbit had already came out.

My faith in humanity was slightly restored the next day. I dressed up again to pass out candy for trick-or-treaters, minus the dildos, of course. I could only imagine how that would go: “My mommy has one of those!” My mommy caught my daddy with one of those, now he lives with grandma.” My mommy says she owns one of those because daddy is inadequate in the bedroom.”

Anyway, one girl who was about 10 years old came up to me and said “Frodo Baggins, right?” Close enough, so I said yes. Then she told me that “We are (something I forget what she said she was) from Swords and Sorcery, we are talking in the second person today and we bow to you” and then she bowed to me. That girl was awesome but I was intrigued to figure out what she was talking about so I Google Image Searched “Swords and Sorcery” and this is the type of pictures that came up:

Most of the pictures were of women in Medieval looking attire that is completely ineffective for realistic combat but sexy as hell. The girl’s costume was way more conservative than this, mainly because she was 10 and I think she was supposed to be a male character because she was fully clothed. Anyway, nice to see what the kids are into these days.

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