The Best Way To Get Type 2 Diabetes On Thanksgiving: The Cherpumple

There is now officially a dessert version of the turducken, the cherpumple. It is a white cake with 3 whole pies baked inside of it; a cherry pie, a pumpkin pie, and an apple pie. I like how it kind of sounds like Chernobyl, because that is exactly what your toilet is going to resemble after you eat this thing. This thing looks amazing, I want to make this for Thanksgiving but I have absolutely no baking ability so I totally want someone to make me one, except they won’t because everybody I know thinks it looks disgusting.  I am pretty sure that one slice of this thing is enough to give you diabetes and will definitely give you blood shits, but it would be totally worth it. Seriously, just look at this thing:


I admit if you look at the cherry pie layer in the right direction it kind of resembles a nasty sore filled vagina surrounded by thick black pubic hair. Ha, now you can’t unsee it every time you look at this picture. I would still totally eat this thing anyway.


This is what America is all about. This is what Thanksgiving is all about. It is forgetting about all the horrible things that Columbus, the pilgrims, and our founding father’s did to Native Americans and overindulging on gross amounts of turkey and baked goods and family and togetherness or something. And then everyone gets sick from eating too much and fall asleep on the couch and then argue with each other and then go there separate ways before getting together for Christmas and doing the same thing over again but with ham and presents. If you make a Cherpumple it is mandatory to draw an American flag on top of it in frosting along with some turkeys having sexual intercourse and then you put a bunch of sparklers on it instead of candles and almost burn your house down. You should probably be pretty drunk while lighting the sparklers and it would probably help if you’re not wearing pants. Because that is how an American Thanksgiving should be.

you can find the recipe for this Thanksgiving monstrosity here:

One comment on “The Best Way To Get Type 2 Diabetes On Thanksgiving: The Cherpumple

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