My Rant On The Easter Bunny

The Easter Bunny is the creepiest mythological holiday creature. He is a giant bunny that gives eggs filled with candy to children on Easter. That doesn’t even make sense, if he is delivering eggs, he should be something that lays eggs like a chicken, a fish, or a frog. That would be kind of cool. Plus he breaks into your house and gives kids candy. Why is he giving them candy? To lore them into the bunny hole so he can molest them? Plus all the Easter Bunnies at the mall are creepy.

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Bunnies are cute, the Easter Bunny is a giant man-rabbit hybrid that looks like a Yeti with floppy ears. Yeti’s eat children, they don’t bring them baskets of candy and toys. The Easter Bunny also brings children less toys than they get on their birthday and Christmas, unless they’re rich, because the Easter Bunny is a stingy asshole. Plus you have to leave decorated colored eggs for him or else he will take your eldest born children or something because of Passover.

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The Easter Bunny is basically a giant dick, and he might be Satan. Satan should be the Mythological Holiday Creature for Easter, or Zombie Jesus. Both are still less creepy.

 

Today is also Good Friday. I don’t understand why it’s called Good Friday because it is supposed to be the day that Jesus was crucified. I thought killing Jesus was supposed to be a bad thing. Shouldn’t it be called Bad Friday?

One comment on “My Rant On The Easter Bunny

  1. I was just bringing up the “Good Friday” thing to my boyfriend last night… the only theory I could come up with is that most christians are sadistic fucks who like terrible things. Hence “sermons” and “abstinence”.

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