I Got Some New Freeloading Cats Awhile Ago

If you may recall, The Dingleberry passed away in February. In June, The Mrs. and I bought a house and got 2 new freeloading cats. They have serious mental health issues.

blind cat, cute cat picture, fake russian blue

This is Linnea, she is mostly blind. She had an untreated eye disease at birth and has a membrane that scarred and covered her eyes. We had the vet remove the membrane but it grew back and she is still pretty blind. She is awesome even if she hits her head on things a lot. She also suckles The Mrs.’s lips like a nipple all the time. She won’t do it to me though because she apparently doesn’t like facial hair.

cute cat picture, cat carving pumpkins, obese cat eats entire pumpkin

This is Elena, she looks and acts just like a male orange tabby cat I used to own named Riley, except she sounds like a pterodactyl. She eats literally anything including electrical cords and phone chargers, just like Riley. Sadly, that is what led to his demise. Here is a picture of her when we were carving pumpkins, she ate the rest of the pumpkin.

incestual lesbians, cats grooming each other, hot lesbian action

They are sisters, they are from the same litter but they totally make out with each other all the time. They are incestual lesbians.

sleepy kittens, sleeping cats

They are lazy freeloaders. They lay around and sleep 80% of the day. I have narcolepsy and I don’t even sleep that much. They spend the rest of their time running around like coked up crack fiends wrestling and breaking things. They don’t even have any money to replace the things that they break, plus I have to clean up their poop.

cats in tutus, cute cat picture

Here they are in their Halloween costumes. We got them both a tutu because that is pretty much the only thing we could get on them without being clawed to death. I plan on taking them trick or treating and pretending like they are human babies dressed up in very realistic cat costumes so I can get some free candy. I hope my plan works. If it doesn’t I will have to go to the store and buy some candy November first when it is on clearance.

Viking Cats

Here is a post full of pictures of cats with viking outfits on because if there’s one thing there isn’t enough of on the internet, it’s pictures of cats with random shit on them.

I have come to take over your land and your catnip, but first I am going to take a nap and lick my balls for half an hour.

 

I know my Thor costume isn’t very authentic and I’m holding a reflex hammer but I am the God of Thunder dammit!

 

I just pooped in your bed.

 

Hipster Viking Cat was a viking before vikings were cool.

 

Tell me again that I am a pretty lady. DO IT OR I WILL BITE YOUR FUCKING BALLS OFF!!

 

Oh you wanted to read this newspaper? I hope you like the smell of my anus on the business section.

 

Oh ma gerd erma ferking verking derp!!

 

This would be an awesome litter box.

 

And Finally…Viking Pug

Oh and one more thing, the original Viking Kittens video! I feel the need to share this video way too often…

Tormenting Cats Is Fun

Today my cat kept trying to get into the clothes hamper while the Mrs. was trying to take a bath. He kept scratching at it with his non-existent claws and peeking over the side even though it was too high for him to jump into. So I did what any other sadistic asshole would do, I picked him up and dropped him inside of it then took pictures of his feeble attempts to escape.

In other words…adorable cat pictures, motherfuckers!!!!

I love how his disposition of utter contempt grows with each picture.

What just happened?

WTF?! I can't get out! I can't get out!

Let me out of here, you son of a bitch.

This escapade reminds me of one of my favorite children’s poems “The Owl and the Pussycat” by Sir Edward Lear…

I think I got some of it mixed up a little bit, it seems a little dirtier than I remember.

The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
And a rubber
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
"O lovely Pussy! O Pussy, my love,
 What a beautiful Pussy you are, you are, you are,
 What a beautiful Pussy you are."
 Pussy said to the Owl "You elegant fowl, 
 How charmingly sweet you sing.
 O let us be married, too long we have tarried;
 But what shall we do for a ring?"
 They sailed away, for a year and a day,
 To the land where the Bong-tree rocks,
 And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
 With a ring at the end of his cock, his cock, his cock,
 With a ring at the end of his cock.
 "Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling your ring?"
  Said the Piggy, "I will"
 So they took it away, and were married next day
 By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
 They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
 Which he ate out her pussy with a runcible spoon.
 And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand
 They danced by the light of the moon, the moon, the moon,
 They danced by the light of the moon.