Never Trust A Man In A Skirt

Today I was out at a Goodwill store in the Youngstown, Ohio area. There was an elderly man walking around wearing a kilt. I have no idea why he was wearing a kilt because he didn’t appear to be Scottish and also appeared to be an overzealous christian. He kept cornering young females and asking them to pray with him. He would put up his hands and totally block the aisle so they couldn’t get away from him then he would start saying a bunch of religious stuff. He didn’t even appear to be shopping. He just kept harassing women in the store then he left. I do not trust any man who is wearing a skirt.

Unless it's Sean Connery, Connery always gets a pass

In other news, I went to the pet store today and saw the greatest cat brush ever. My cat (dingleberry butt) never lets me brush him, but I found this thing called the “love glove”, despite the name it is not a masturbation device. It is a glove that you can brush your cat with while you pet it, he freaking loves that thing, which is good because he has been looking disheveled lately. Here’s a picture of what the love glove looks like.

I repeat, the Love Glove is a pet grooming product and not an adult masturbation device

Back on subject, it is never acceptable for a man to wear a kilt, especially a celebrity (except for Sean Connery, of course). It will totally ruin their career. Look at Vin Diesel, he went from being the hottest new action star to starring in crappy family friendly movies and Fast & The Furious 6. Want to know what destroyed his tough guy image?

This did. (Starring in The Pacifier didn't help either)

The Toadster and the Wal-Mart Psychic

Today the Mrs, Swedish Falcon, Professor S the Magnificent, and I went to some Goodwill stores. While out I ran into the most amazing statue ever. It is called “The Toadster”. Behold it in all its glory:

I did not purchase it because it does not match my decor or serve any real purpose. It is a toad with slices of toast sticking out of it’s back, hence the brilliant name, “The Toadster” which was actually written on the bottom, I did not make that name up unfortunately.

Later the Mrs. and I went to the local Wal-Mart and while we were standing in line to checkout, where we happened to pick the lane with the slowest cashier imaginable. The Mrs. was suddenly approached by the woman in line in front of us who happened to be a psychic and told us her entire life story. It was a very one sided conversation and we feigned interest. She went on to talk about her psychic visions and her alcoholic son who keeps getting into car wrecks even though she predicts them ahead of time and warns him about it. Why do all Wal-Mart psychics have Ted Nugent haircuts and wear tacky turquoise and purple blouses with tons of gaudy jewelry. It must enhance their psychic powers.

This weekend the Mrs. and I are going down to the trashiest most toxic waste ridden place in Ohio which happens to be my hometown to celebrate the Squirrel Queen’s birthday. Then the Mrs., Squirrel Queen, and my dad, Sleeping Jesus, are going down to West Virginia to bet on the ponies and maybe win free t-shirts.

Welcome to thedingleberry

Greetings, you have stumbled into the mystical world of thedingleberry! Today was a great day for dingleberries. Me and the Mrs. went to Wal-Mart today and did some shopping  and ran into the typical consumers that shop at Wal-Mart. There was a portly lady in the frozen food section talking loudly into her cell phone, she said “Hello” very loudly and had a very loud conversation with somebody whom she seemed angry with. She began telling the recipient of the phone call to get something out of the shed which she repeated several times loudly into her cell phone which was most likely a Tracphone because she looked poor and possibly high on meth. I can only imagine what was in her shed, but I bet whatever it was reeked of feces.

There are going to be fireworks downtown tonight at 10pm so my neighbors down the street decided to get ready for them at 4pm because they apparently wanted good seats. So they set up some chairs and benches out in front of their house. The father who had a bottle of beer in his hand for possibly the entire 6 hours he is waiting for the fireworks and he is forcing his children to stay outside and play with a ball so he can make sure nobody takes his seats.  So far at 9pm he is still the only person in town waiting for the fireworks.

The Mrs. and I went shopping at the Goodwills today because we are as poor as the portly lady from Wal-Mart, however we have Verizon Wireless so we are a step above her and her family.  The Mrs. decided that it would be a good idea to buy a poster for our children’s nursery, we have no children and don’t plan to have them for another 3 years or so.  The poster listed the letters of the alphabet and had a description of each letter. My favorite is “U is for Underpants drying in the breeze”. An honorably mention is “Y is for Yeti who lives in the snow.” WTF