The Dingleberry’s 20 worst songs of all time, with video evidence of course

Here is my definitive list of the 20 worst songs of all time. The Mrs. and I were looking up horrible music videos online last night and that’s where I got the idea.

20. Four Non Blondes – “What’s Up” 

This is a horrible song but I love to sing it to annoy the Mrs. The video is also very awful as well. I love the lead singers dreadlocks and hat in the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NXnxTNIWkc

19. Snow – “Informer” 

Snow was a Vanilla Ice rip off that somehow managed to make Vanilla Ice look cool. I love how his album was called “12 Inches of Snow” I’m pretty sure he was talking about his penis.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtILxBszyf8

18. Crash Test Dummies – “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm”

I love imitating the lead singers voice in this song and changing the words into derogatory language. The song makes no sense and the chorus is just him saying Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm over and over again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIbcqgXh5-4

17.  The Darkness – “I Believe In A Thing Called Love”

I was never quite sure if this band was a joke or if they were legitimate. I love his high pitched voice when he sings the chorus. I also love the video where he is naked and getting hugged by a giant furry purple alien. WTF?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRYNYb30nxU

16. The Beach Boys – “Kokomo”

Words can not explain how much I cannot stand this song. It was a toss up between Kokomo and Barbara Ann, both of them make my ears bleed but Kokomo just annoys the hell out of me. Do you remember the Muppets version? It was pretty awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_5_AD9wXuY

Here is the Muppets version in case you have never seen it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJ_PYBDu9l0

15. Bette Midler – “Wind Beneath My Wings”

I have never seen the movie “Beaches” and I have no clue what it is about. I just know it was an awful chick flick and this song was in it and that was enough to keep me from every watching it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWqB-6ANG4c

14. Whitney Houston – “I Will Always Love You”

If it wasn’t bad enough that this song was originally in a Kevin Costner movie, “The Bodyguard”, god, what a terrible movie. It is sung by Whitney Houston before she turned into a crack head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QaI-M9sxW4

13. Katy Perry – “California Gurls”

This is one of the worst videos I have ever seen. Even with Snoop Dogg in it, it still sucked, Katy Perry was pretty much naked in it, and it still sucked. Plus she spelled girls wrong and it contains the lyrics “California gurls daisy dukes bikinis on top” and it is autotuned.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F57P9C4SAW4

12. Far East Movement – “Like A G6”

I don’t even know what the phrase “Like A G6” means. All I know is one of my clients loves this song and owns two copies of it and has played it over and over again in my car so many times that I know all the words.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvgJEznqtms

11. Crazy Town – “Butterfly”

This was the song that played at my wedding, sike! This was such a  horrible song with some of the worst lyrical combinations I have ever heard. Not to mention the video is just dumb and half the song is just him singing “Come come my lady, you’re my butterfly, sugar baby”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UculXjdcSYs

10. Ace of Base – “All That She Wants”

It was hard to only pick one Ace of Base song. This was probably the worst even though all of their songs make me die a little each time I hear them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cN0mKD8wnvo&feature=fvst

9. Toby Keith – “I Wanna Talk About Me”

I hate every country song but Toby Keith has to be the worst of the bunch. This is one of his worst musical contributions. The chorus is just irritating. This is for you, Swedish Falcon, I know how much you hate Toby Keith.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxUuDPNbkJk&feature=artistob&playnext=1&list=TLjaAsxaRuczQ

8. Kris Kross – “I Missed The Bus”

I was going to put “Jump” in here but that song was better than this one. They were at least pretending to be hard core gangsters in that video. In this one they are obviously just a bunch of little kids that can’t write a decent song. It’s a song about missing the school bus. That is all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Tr8KRqyGJk&ob=av2e

7. Color Me Badd – “I Wanna Sex You Up”

I do not know what was worse, the way that they all looked or their high pitched voices. Not only did one of them look like Kenny G, there was another one that looked like a less manly version of George Michael, even though there was a woman in the video I don’t thing this song was actually about sexing up a female.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ask_sedxu0o&feature=related

6. Arrested Development – “Tennessee” 

I remember that I used to like this song. I don’t remember why. It is a song about Tennessee, that about sums it up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g40c6iAEHpc

5. Nickelback – “Animals”

1. It is a song by Nickelback.

2. It about having sex in a car with an underage girl

3. It is a song by Nickelback (yes, I know I already said that)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7nBw1xd6po&feature=related

4. Nickelback – “Rockstar”

Nickelback sucks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmeUuoxyt_E

3. Nickelback – “How You Remind Me”

This is how you remind me how much this song really sucks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cQh1ccqu8M&feature=related

2. Nickelback – “Photograph”

Look at this video every time I hear it I wanna hurl, what is this thing on Chad’s head? Goodbye Goodbye.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BB0DU4DoPP4&ob=av2n

And last but not least…

1. Nickelback – “Figured You Out”

Nickelback is like my favorite damned disease.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIjRo-gMlKE

 

 

 

It should be clear by now that I hate Nickelback more than anything in the world.

 

 

 

George Foreman wouldn’t approve

This afternoon I went outside to the back porch and the sack lunch that was laying their last  night was gone, wonder if somebody ate it or if it was taken away by bears. In it’s place, there was a George Foreman grill randomly laying on the porch including the fat catching tray.Do not know why it is there, there is no power outlet nearby and I don’t know why anyone would cook with a small kitchen appliance on the wooden floor of a porch.

There was also a kitchen garbage can next to the grill which contained boxes of Bud Light, beer bottles and what appeared to be an article of clothing, probably some kind of shirt. And it was sitting next to a giant ass mop. Notice how there are a bunch of recyclables in a garbage can and garbage in the recycle bins. Somebody has things a little backwards here.But that is just the tip of the iceberg. I took a stroll around to the front of the bro’s half of the duplex and found a box sitting on their front  steps next to about 2 weeks worth of mail in their mailbox. The box contained about 4 more McFlurry cups, tchese guys most really love their small sized McDonalds Blizzard rip-offs.  There is also some beer bottles and plastic wrap, it seems that their garbage has started to migrate to the front of their house as well. Maybe they are planning on mailing their trash to the landfill. Later today when the Mrs. and I were coming home we happened to see 2 cars parked in the fire lane again. There were a couple of bromosexuals sitting in the front seat waiting for the other bro that drives the Honda Abomination to come out of his house. He was wearing a wife beater and one shoe and hopped on one foot to the car. The car’s trunk was open and the one bro with one shoe got out then got into his car, which I thought he was going to actually move in respect to the funeral going on (there is a funeral home right next door, and the fire lane is part of the funeral home parking lot). But no, he grabbed something out of his car then jumped in the other bros car. I can only imagine where they are going tonight. There is probably going to be alcohol, shirtless men, Katy Perry music, and baby oil for their abs and lots of other things that are borderline homosexual.

It was better back in the day when Hdog and her two awesome cats Nico and Eli lived with us. There was no garbage on the porch or random shirtless dudes playing cornhole in the front yard and dancing around to pop music in the middle of the night. Her cats were awesome because they were crazy and one of them humped a stuffed animal once even though I did not witness it first hand. The Mrs. told me that it happened. The dingleberry and our former cat, Riley, may he rest in peace, really liked those two and they would all lay around together doing cat stuff.

I am really going to miss the bros after we move, there will not be anyone to leave garbage around with sack lunches and questionable items strewn about the property. However our new place has a pool and air conditioning and there is less likely to be people urinating on our windows at 3 in the morning and tacking stuffed animals to the trees.

Bromosexuals

So me and the fam get back from watching the  fireworks and they want to recycle their empty water bottles. I had to inform them that they could not recycle their bottles because we live next to a bunch of bros who do not understand what the word recycle means. They put inappropriate items in our recycle bins.  We live in a duplex which is now a sausage fest full of bros so we are moving out in 3 weeks.  The bros have totally desecrated our recycle bins, they have put pillows and take out containers full of salad from a local eatery into our recycle bins, these things do not recycle. What in the blue hell are they thinking? You cannot recycle a pillow or a half eaten salad, are you people mad?

Here is a little background information on the “bros”. They like to park in the fire lane next to our house, you cannot legally park in a fire lane and cops go by and do not do anything. Me and the Swedish Falcon, my mother-in-law, believe that they are involved with the local police department in some way. They never get a ticket though my father-in-law, Professor S The Magnificent, got threatened by the police for parking in the same spot for 3 minutes to exterminate a bat from our old neighbors apartment.  If there is a fire we will all be burned beyond recognition because the bros block the fire lane daily even when there is a funeral going on next door.

They also leave trash all over our porch in which we share. Raccoons have gotten into the trash that they have left and spread it all over our porch along with their feces. There is still a toothbrush embedded in the cracks of the porch. They also had a congratulations graduate mug that they left sitting outside for weeks, I stole it and gave it away to a good friend of mine who hates buses and likes mugs. Take that bros.

Not only do they leave trash on the porch and throw non-recyclable items into our recycle bins they also stay up all night and have strange parties next door while blasting the song “Fireworks” by Katy Perry constantly in the middle of the night. I also hear the sound of wheels along the wooden floor while they play the song. I have no idea what they are doing in there, they may be part of a Satanic cult. What self respecting male homosapien  would listen to Katy Perry’s “Fireworks”  every night of the week.

Not only do they park in the fire lane right next to the sign that says in big red letters “No Parking Fire Lane” they have their “friends” come over and they park in the fire lane too and stay all night and take up the parking lot that is reserved for funerals. Then they go into the house and drink their beer and listen to their Katy Perry music with the bros who live next door and do whatever it is they do over there which is probably sexual in nature. I do not mind their sexual orientation I just do not like them because they are idiots.